Destiny Hypnotherapy & Coaching

Created your destiny - work smarter, love deeper

NLP

How to Keep Promises to Yourself and Others?

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Four Tendencies

An attitude that’s important to explore when building up to changing habits, managing cravings and emotions, achieving your goals personal and professional is to consider how you deal with expectations, commitments, obligations, promises and follow through. One of the most important abilities for achieving any goal or lifestyle is being able to keep promises to yourself and to others (which ultimately is a promise to yourself too). The work of Gretchen Rubin in her book “The Four Tendencies” is very useful to this end. You can do a simple detailed questionnaire on her website – https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/ to discover which of the four tendencies most strongly applies to you as listed below. She has isolated these four ways of relating or reacting to obligations and expectations. There are two primary sources of expectations and obligations internal or external. The different tendencies are focused in one direction of the other or are mixtures. The categories overlap of course, since we are dealing with humans not computers.

Knowing your tendency can help you set up situations in the ways that make it more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. You can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others. Be more respectful.

Just as important is knowing other people’s tendencies helps us to work with them more effectively. Managers, doctors, teachers, spouses, parents, coaches and therapists should use the framework . It helps people reduce conflict and make significant, lasting change.

According to her the four tendencies are:

Upholders easily fulfil both outer and inner expectations. They want to know what should be done.

QuestionHow to keep promises to yourself?ers question all expectations; they only meet an expectation if they believe it’s justified, so in effect they respond only to internal expectations. They want justifications.

Obligers respond readily and mostly to external expectations but struggle to meet internal versions. They want accountability.

Rebels resist all expectations and obligations where ever they come from, outer and inner. They want the freedom to do things their own way.

According to Gretchen’s research 41% of people are Obligers, 24% are Questioners, Upholders are 19%, while Rebels are around 17%.

As an example here are how the different tendencies respond to New Year’s Resolutions – Upholders keep them easily. Questioners think they are silly to put a date on them, you just do them because they are right and needed if they are worth doing. Obligers are hopeless at them and have usually given up on them, but are good in teams, with coaches and at doing things at work. Rebels just simply dislike them.

This is a different take of transformation through promise-keeping – https://youtu.be/X6GFOFJaJaA

What Happens In Hypnotherapy?

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First and obviously, hypnotherapy involves hypnosis. It magnifies the power of traditional and well known therapeutic techniques like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Strategic Therapy, Transactional Analysis, Counselling, Neurolinguistic Programming, and emotional, mental management.

In the way, we help you is to coach you in the ways your mind-body works as a wholistic system in a psychosocial ecology, that is in the relationships that define and effect your life.

Hypnosis allows us direct access to and influence with your background subliminal unconscious part of your mind. In the way we use it, you will gain much more freedom of choice in the reflexes, habits, fears and cravings that may leave you feeling yourself out of control.

The number of sessions required will depend on the goals you have.

 
First session = 80 minutes.
First, we do an assessment process looking at
  • the problems,
  • it’s place in your life and background,
  • Then your goals – what would your life be like without the issue
  • then we’ll explore various strategies for solutions you can use consciously to change your relationships with the problems and solutions.
  • Then we’ll use trance to help embed in your unconscious the solutions that will get to the deeper sources of the problem and embed the solutions into your reflexes.
  • You’ll get some homework to help empower you to embed the solutions and the new approach into your lifestyle with what the changes will mean for you in your relationships (intimate, friendships and work).
  • Finally, we’ll look into the future to see and feel what the new lifestyle, that is the solution, and most importantly, how you’ll apply the new freedoms to choose to unexpected possibilities, when under stress, so as to ensure the solutions will last in ways that get you to your goals for life.
Second and following sessions = 50 minutes. Counselling & Coaching to support the process of change, building your sense choice and empowerment for embedding the changes into your new lifestyle, clearing blockages and dealing with unexpected consequences in your health, relationships and work life.
 
Background Considerations. Remember that every habit is part of a whole system that is your emotional and relationship lifestyle. For example, your friends and family (maybe work) will have been making all sorts of adjustments to help you and for them to live with your habits and behaviours to fit with your lifestyle. The changes you want to make will affect them. Even if they support you in the changes, you are making these changes still involve work on everyone’s part as you all evolve into the new empowered self free of the problem.